The Phrases from My Father That Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the truth soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger failure to open up between men, who still absorb damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."