Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's leading entertainers spent the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, called the "gold card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils all he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial initiative that allows international nationals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, or "platinum" tier for 5 million. The program's website pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A quick thought for you to rich applicants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, involving hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval numbers amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.